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The Pain of Divorce – A Lesson in Compassion

The pain of divorce is unimaginable. So much so that even finding the words to write about it seems an impossible task. For those of you who’ve been through divorce, I hope you find some relief in knowing someone else understands your grief. For those of you who haven’t, maybe reading this piece will help you understand and allow you to be more compassionate of those who have.

Strength and Determination

It’s been almost nine months since my children and I packed up what we could take of our previous life and moved out on our own. Yet, each day continues to be almost as painful as the last. I say “almost” because every day since that unforgettable moment, we have continued to take tiny baby steps forward, which is a sign of our strength and determination.

I never planned on taking this route in my life. Like everyone else who marries and has a family, I had dreams of happiness and success. Having children has been the biggest blessing in my life so far, and I continue to cherish every moment with them. Yet, there are things in our lives we can’t predict. Things we can’t always control, regardless of what others may tell you. Divorce is not a failure, but more of what I would describe as a series of “unfortunate events.”

These events have carved such a division in our family that moving forward in a new direction is the only option we have of finding the relief we so desperately need. Especially for my children.

Reimagine What You’re Capable Of After Divorce

For me, starting over has meant a new home, new responsibilities, new everything, but also a new chance to change the direction of my life. I’ve been given an opportunity to reimagine what I’m capable of, and I’ve taken the challenge head on. Because, not only do I owe it to my children, but to myself as well. Last spring I went back to university to upgrade my skills. Now, I’m working towards a degree in Communications and Publishing, and I’ve never looked back.

Going back to school has allowed me to escape from the pain of my divorce by focusing on my personal growth and independence. It has given me something positive to focus on, as well as provided my children with some security about our future. I hope to teach them that anything is possible. And I hope they will grow up to understand that even though some things in our life are out of our control, others are well within our reach.

As painful as it is, sometimes divorce is the only option to healing a family. I know it will take time, but day by day things will get better. Most importantly, I’ve developed an understanding of what so many couples, children, and families suffer from on a daily basis, and this lesson had taught me to be more compassionate of others.

6 thoughts on “The Pain of Divorce – A Lesson in Compassion

  1. A well-written, thoughtful post.
    I’m sorry you had to go through that, but happy you’ve taken positive steps towards a new life for yourself. I have no doubt you’ll succeed! x

    1. Thanks Christy. Everyone has their story. I hope I can encourage others to share. Your photographs are amazing and so inspiring. I added you to this blog in the gallery of talented photographers. I hope you don’t mind. You’ve definitely found your gift!

  2. I am so proud of you Nicole. I see a strong woman with such a realistic and positive approach as she follows her path in life. You are an inspiration to your dad and I, your sisters, and your children. I know anyone who reads this and has gone through a divorce will find comfort in your words and will feel inspired to move forward as you have. One can’t help but feel compassion for you and your children, but know somehow it will all work out for you. We love you so much and are so very proud of you.

    1. Thanks mom. You have both influenced me in ways that have encouraged this strength. I wish everyone could have the kind of unconditional love that you have both given me. The world needs more compassion. Especially now.

  3. Hi Nicole, I stumbled across your posts and then this blog through our common friends dating back to Fred Seymour days. Your raw honesty and frank conversations are powerful reading. I can’t imagine the situation that you left, but please know that there’s an extended community, at home – and afar – that hold you and your kids dearly as you embark on this process of independence. Stay strong & thank you for sharing your journey.

    1. It’s so nice to hear from you. Our childhood friendship will always have a special place in my heart. We were so fortunate to grow up in such a safe and supportive community. I loved those Fred Seymour days! Thanks for your support.

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